Bridges Burned!

I have to get this off my chest! This is in no way directed to any one person or party! Just something I have noticed over the OH so wonderful FACEBOOK!
I love FB, I never thought I would be a FB lover, but those pregnant sleepless nights became a little more bearable when I became curious and started my profile. First I looked up my brother, then teacher friends, and so on, and so forth. I've been connected to family and friends all over the world! We schedule playdates, chat, and keep up to date with events all using facebook. Much like a car, that you have to take a test and get a license to drive; facebook can be a dangerous vehicle. It can 'burn a bridge' permanently, if used for the wrong reasons. I can remember a time when I was really mouthy! I didn't care who I hurt because I was always in the right! (ha) With age, I have learned that keeping my mouth shut is much more important, because it is just not worth it to lose lifelong friends or family all because I'm aggravated for a short time. So, I think we should implement having to get a license before being able to take facebook for a drive. Not only would facebook be a safer place, but it would also be a little nicer. Because to get a license, you would have to pass an ettiqette test to use facebook. Don't use a person's name or a title and then completely trash said person for all the world to see. Don't allow others to make negative comments when the person being trashed is not there to defend themself. It's sad. Because you may not just hurt that one person, you may hurt those that love that person, whether the person is 9 or 90, we all have feelings. So, just like the Bible tells us, just like God commands us "Love thy neighbor". That doesn't just mean those next to you. That is everyone. Keep hurtful thoughts of others to yourself. Or have a close friend you can 'vent' to and then maybe have a praydate. I'm not perfect. I've said so many times! I just had to vent these frustrations. Without a name or title! Everyone has good in them, we have some bad too, it's what we choose to act on that makes us who we are.

Do they Know?

Yesterday, I went out for a bit on my own. I was to meet a friend who made a gift for B-man's best friends birthday party. As I was about to leave I could feel that all to familiar feeling in my chest, the burning in my arms, and then the thinking while I breathe, so that I don't breathe to fast. Since I was going to meet a friend I didn't want to fall over the edge so I took my 'emergency' medicine. The medicine I take in addition to the daily dose of Prozac when I can feel an anxiety episode coming on. I was driving in downtown Fort Smith, the party scene is just getting started and I noticed a new sign at the top of a tall building. The sign was there to let others know what company is not located there. I don't even remember what it said, I just remember the official business feel it had to it. Then my mind starts to race (I know every bit of this is irrational) and I'm thinking, "I should be at work in one of those buildings, bringing in some type of income, Little M in daycare" and then the crying starts, the rapid breathing gets a little worse and J calls. Funny how that happens. He asks me to get him a black belt while I'm out and the moment he speaks to me he knows. He says "Take a deep breath, enjoy sometime on your own and with your friend, Little M is sleeping, she is just fine, B-man and I are playing, everything is okay" He's so sweet. Most men would have run by now. Mine sends me a text "Remember I love you and we will get through this together". Since I had taken my med I was starting to calm down. I got to JCPenney and as I walked through the store I couldn't help but think "No one knows, she has no idea. Can they see my hands quivering? Would anybody ever guess I just took a Zanex?" "Would anyone guess that ME, an overweight mother of two, just took a zanex in hopes of feeling normal again?","Where is my normal? What is my normal? I can't take this any longer? I wish I could just pass out and someone wake me up when they found a cure." All so irrational, but thoughts that race all the time. Just coming off of a good day and the hammer falls again, like I know it will, like it always does. More in the day and the life of this 'illness'. I know longer feel bad for taking medication to feel happy, even though the happy is sparse, at least it comes. I can't feel bad for trying to get my kids mother back, the one who didn't cry all the time. I don't feel bad for trying to give my husband back his wife, the one who can clean and laugh instead of being curled up on the couch hoping not of fall apart. I won't feel bad for trying to give myself back to me.