The only way I can describe depression/anxiety is like this; deep dark in a black cave, completely closed off from the world, no hope of rescue, no sunshine to be seen again. It reminds me of The Count of Monticristo's time in prison. Last Sunday Evening after church I felt like there was a glimmer of hope. A beacon of light in the far distance, still far away, but I can see it, now I've just got to learn to walk the path to it, picture the path being a tightrope. I felt like God was whispering to me "Stop trying to pinpoint what you feel like is wrong, and learn to live a new life, reborn and repurposed" I told J about how I was feeling. I can't begin to express my gratitude that I vowed to love, honor, and cherish nearly 8 years ago. He could laugh or say 'suck it up' but instead he loves and supports me. Just as my parents and his parents have done.
Recently I've been listening to 'The Secret' and I'm learning from this book, a way for me to reconfigure my thinking. I don't agree with all of it, for instance, 'ask and you shall receive' has been taken out of context. But the Law of Attraction does make since. You know the old saying "Misery loves company" well, happy people rub off just as much as a grumpy person can. So, time to rebuild my functioning for something positive. Revelation of my purpose will be revealed in His timing. For now, my goal is to think positive thoughts.
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