Monday, July 12, 2010

And it strikes AGAIN!

I haven't posted much lately, truth is, I haven't been on the computer much. I had surgery at the end of may for (warning) really bad monthly cycles that were never ending and double you over painful. Turns out it was scar tissue that was compressing my bladder and wrapped around my uterus. I think I've mentioned that before. About a week and a half later I started experiencing anxiety. Not just a little, like PPD kind of anxiety. I was reluctant to mention it to my OB because our family doctor retired and I don't want to be medicated by someone who barely knows me. The upsetting part is that I have no idea why this is happening. Because even though I may 'look' like I just had a baby, I did NOT, so where is this coming from? Panic attacks were taking over and happening at weird places. Thankfully Dr. Laws (who also worked a miracle in my cousin by saving her and her precious baby girl!, he is just that great) is treating whatever is going on. Personally, I think he accidentally hit an anxiety switch in me while performing my surgery. The great news is that my monthly cycle is nearly painless, still long, but I can deal with that, and I'm still regulating. So, I'm on two medications and I am going back to the doctor for a follow up in about an hour. The first three weeks were great on the meds. I used one rarely and took the other daily as prescribed. But, all of the sudden the attacks are so easily triggered and cause instant vomiting and hyperventilating.
(For those that don't know me or even if you do, you might be thinking it's just a lack of strength. I used to think the same thing. Just push the anxiety away and you will be fine. Totally untrue, during an 'attack' my mind is saying 'stop stoP STOP' but I just can't!)
Thankfully, my husband is being so wonderful and gracious and helping me. I'm blessed that he meant "for better for worse".
I've really wrestled with whether or not to post this. But, God will not give me more than I can handle, and I know there are others that have the same if not worse problems than me. I'm blessed beyond measure. I pray that God will use this anxiety to His Glory.

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