Fear of the Medical Community

I'm going to be completely honest and get my fears off my chest. It may upset some people, but hey, I only have 4 followers so, not too many.

I have an unhealthy fear. For the most part, I do not trust the medical community. As a baby, Bryston, was in the NICU for 32 days. He was treated well by the doctors but I nearly had it out with a couple of nurses. It went so far that the Head Nurse came to talk to me. Even a doctor had a nurse written up over her comments and actions regarding my son. It was their at the hospital that I began to learn that I am in charge of protecting my child, it was/is MY job to ask questions and be my baby's voice. So, when one nurse told me she was going to keep 2 IV's in my son after he received his pic line, I told her to take the one in his arm out. "Oh no!" she said. We don't want to lose a good IV. "Then what was the point in going through the pain of having a pic line? Take it out" She took it out after the Head Nurse told her too, but she did it in the most horrible, painful way possible. Also, Bryston was on Reglan and this reflux medicine had to be given very carefully or it could and would take his breath away. Well, one nurse decided she was going to give how SHE chose rather than follow the doctor's written orders. So, as I was telling her not to give it to him in the tip of a bottle nipple and she was doing it, then she walked away. My son stopped breathing as she rounded the corner. YES, I said STOPPED breathing. I'm frantically trying to decide whether I should scream for help (monitors are going off and no one is coming) or run. I had my hands on him trying to stimulate him to breath, so, I ran and yelled for help. Next thing I know my son is surrounded as they were trying to stop/revive him before it's too late! Thankfully, he was fine after a couple of minutes. My distrust escalated here. It started with a crappy OB/GYN who did not believe I was in labor despite everything. He FINALLY took me seriously when my water broke at the last day of my 29th week.

Then after all that, I came home to VACCINATIONS! I was terrified. Bryston was vaccinated until he was nearly one. At his year check-up, I learned that I had a choice as to whether he was vaccinated. I talked it over with my pediatrician and he agreed that with my son's weight and history the year vaccinations should be put off.

Now, I have my baby girl. I'm scared to death to have her vaccinated. She was given a modified amount and schedule that the doctor and I both agreed on and I cried through the entire thing. We have a new pediatrician now, since, my last pediatrician made mistakes that landed my son on an ambulance after missing RSV. My new pediatrician in GREAT but he is Pro Vaccinations. Either way, to vaccinate or not vaccinate? I'm terrified. The Bible says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God" Phillipians 4:6 This I have done but the anxious feeling doesn't go away. I pray and pray but.... the fear is still there. I couldn't live with myself if my child was harmed because of a decision that I made. The doctor said that the liklihood that something would happen to her from a vaccination was very little, that I had more of a chance of getting in a wreck on the way home. My feeling, a wreck would not be my fault but someone elses. It was ultimately my decision to vaccinate. Out of all the people I know personally only one has been affected with autism. Autism is not my biggest worry though. It's death....